Infidelity
Major causes of cheating/infidelity are sexual desire, need for variety, circumstances, lack of love, low commitment, neglect and low self-esteem.
i) At times frustration in the marriage due to failure by the cheating spouse to solve a problem even after making several attempts causes infidelity.
ii) At times cheating spouse may have suffered from second thoughts about getting married or they were jealous of attention given to a new born child.
iii) Neither spouse had ability/skill set to communicate about their feelings.
iv) The Cheating spouse had childhood memories i.e. A cheating parent, childhood abuse, neglect by parents/friends etc that impairs their ability to remain in a committed relation.
v) At times the cheating spouse does not give importance to monogamy, he/she lacks empathy towards the cheated spouse or fails to take into consideration consequences of his/her action/infidelity.
The cheated partner is usually not responsible for the infidel partner’s conduct. The infidel partner is solely responsible for his misconduct. The cheated partner on knowing about the infidelity may react differently i.e.
i) Cry for help, accept the reality of their life, and continue in the marriage/relationship with the Infidel due to family/social pressure or financial issues.
ii) Plan a strategy for exit from the marriage/relationship.
iii) Seek revenge.
iv) Get himself/herself involved in an infidel relationship and continue in marriage/relationship.
CAUSES FOR CHEATING/INFIDELITY
Men are more inclined to have extra marital affairs and women seek physical relation and emotional comfort.
Men often express their love through physical relations and they fall short of words for communication with their wives. Sex plays major part in reflection of their feelings. Men feel dejected if they are not satisfied sexually due to wife’s decline to have physical relations and they may feel rejected by their partner. Due to insecurity men cheat more than women.
Women cheat to fill void in their emotional needs. Women frequently feel disconnected from their husband and they wish to be desired and cared for.
If a women feels ignored or unappreciated then she seeks emotional support through a relationship outside marriage. If a women desires to end her marriage then she treats the extramarital affair as a medium and her new transitional partner helps her in this direction by providing emotional support.
Monotonous marriages and lack of physical relations often result in extra marital relationships in both the genders. Due to lack of physical intimacy spouses get involved in extra marital relationships hoping to fulfill their sexual desires which they miss in their marriage.
REASONS FOR CHEATING AND RISKS INVOLVED
There are numerous reasons for a spouse to have an extramarital affair and they may face risks with their spouse or the new partner.
Extra marital affair is a result of acts on the part of both spouses. However certain situations are inflamed by individual factors i.e.
i) A person involved with any kind of addiction i.e. drugs, alcohol, gambling etc will lose inhibition and while he is in his full senses may choose to have an extra marital affair.
ii) Poor self-esteem and insecurity may result into extramarital affair to prove worthiness.
iii) Childhood emotional abuse/neglect or physical/emotional sexual abuse if left unresolved may result into higher chances of infidelity.
iv) If a spouse is exposed to infidelity of a parent during childhood, then possibility of infidelity increases.
v) Mental illness like bipolar disorder etc may increase risk of infidelity.
vi) A spouse once involved in infidelity is more likely to cheat.
vii) Narcissistic traits or personality disorders are related to increased likelihood of cheating. Narcissistic persons are often driven by ego and sense of entitlement. They are self-centered, they lack apathy and they don’t realize impact that their actions will have on their spouse.
vii) Sex addiction in a spouse may make them feel unsatisfied in their marriage and they may look for physical satisfaction elsewhere.
viii)Dating applications and social media sites have drastically increased chances of infidelity as meeting old friends and making new relations have now become easier.
ix) Long period of absence of a spouse due to work related travel, serving in the armed forces presents opportunities for infidelity. Absence of a spouse gives opportunity to a cheating spouse to have an affair with low risk of being caught cheating, loneliness or resentment.
DEALING WITH A CHEATING SPOUSE
At times there is suspicion but lack of concrete evidence against the cheating spouse. It is in the best interest of all to speak to the cheating spouse and ask him/her directly about the relationship and there is strong possibility that the cheating spouse may give true or false answer.
Different couples apply different strategies in dealing with the issues in hand.
If you are suspicious about your spouse’s conduct then look for below mentioned signs of infidelity.
METHODS FOR DEALING WITH A CHEATING SPOUSE
Infidelity is a mean of addressing matrimonial issues which remain unaddressed for a long time. Infidelity is a way to face the irritating issues which they are not discussing. In such scenario the cheating spouse actually wants to be caught as a way to bring the issues in front.
At times a cheating partner may see infidelity as a strategy to end an unhappy marriage.
Infidelity can either destroy a marriage or help in rebuilding a marriage and it depends on the approach of the warring couple.
HOW TO DEAL WITH INFIDELITY
You may trace the cause of infidelity by your partner. Find the reasons behind infidelity, try to rectify the mistakes in your relationship and grow closer. If you are the cheated spouse, then realize that you are not responsible for the misconduct of the cheating spouse.
Emotional affairs are more severe than sexual encounters. The common response to infidelity by a partner is jealousy.
You may take professional help to recover your mental balance and to iron out your matrimonial issues. Untreated jealousy may lead to resentment.
Unresolved jealousy can lead to resentment, and as the old adage claims: “Resentment is like poison you drink yourself, and then wait for the other person to die.”
TIPS FOR COPING WHEN YOUR SPOUSE IS UNFAITHFUL
At times couples bury past infidelity behind and develop ever lasting relationship and some couples cannot. There are times it is better to end the marriage.
If you had an affair and you wish to save your marriage, then you must immediately stop cheating/lying. Make honest efforts to save your marriage by taking confidence building measures. Possibility of reconciliation depends on various factors i.e. reasons behind infidelity and nature of both the parties. Both the parties must listen to each other, which is usually difficult due to the volatile situation. You may take assistance of a trained professional.
